Love is...

Love is…

“Love is not about being with him and realizing his presence, It’s about not being with him and realizing his absence”

Time came when we had to depart. I can’t describe the situation of our separation as today also (after two years) it brings tears in my eyes. I’ll just say, we were quiet and train started. Neither of us wanted the train to move but only thing we could do was to hold each other’s hands unless our hands started losing hold. We bid good bye to each other. No body cried until we were visible to each other but both of us cried later. That night on train was painful. One whole life which I lived with him was in front of my eyes. Although the life span was very short.. 7 months.. but I lived years and years with Rahul. He had told me to message him after reaching Munger. I did that.

We never talked after that because we had promised that we won’t hurt anyone due to our relation. We didn’t hurt our parents and we won’t hurt our partners. He has also got married. Sometimes he mails me asking hw I m? I know that there is always “Take care of yourself” behind how I am. There is always “don’t worry I’m always with you” behind “how is life going on”.

Rahul always loved me. Unlike other couples, I was never Jaan, Jaanu or sweety for him. I was Shalini for him and he loved Shalini. I had also never called him anything but Rahul because I loved Rahul. Every time when I thought he doesn’t love me, I was wrong because each passing day he loved me, he loves me and he will always….

  

                   “kaash hum rok pate wo lamha jab hum mile,

                               Aaj tere jane ke baad itna dard na hota”

“One friend request….…”I said to myself looking at my Facebook. It was 9:30 am and I had just come to office and as a daily routine without opening my official document I checked my Facebook.

“Let’s see who this is.”  As I clicked on the icon, a name popped out “Rahul Sinha”. There were no mutual friends. Usually I just close the box and don’t care to see the profile of someone whom I don’t know or don’t share any mutual friends. Although I didn’t  deny his friendship requests.( I strictly believe that networking helps in getting a better  job prospective, especially in the developmental sector. Oh! BTW I’m a professional social worker, have completed my masters in social work, and working in an NGO at present) Haan!!! So I didn’t deny his request thinking that at some point of time, I may know him or need him and then I can accept his friend request.

Phone rang….. Shalini can u come down to my cabin for a minute?  It was my supervisor on the line.

Just coming sir… I replied, took my notebook and was going to minimize my Facebook, As soon as my fingers touched the mouse; I received a message on it. Although I had to go to my boss’s cabin (and I tell you I’m very punctual to obey orders) I don’t know why I had an uncontrollable urge to read the message (actually I had an intuition that the message is from Rahul Sinha). I clicked on the message icon, I was right it was Rahul. Before I could read the message, my phone rang

“Are you coming?”

“Yes Sir, in a moment. “ I rushed towards my Sir’s cabin. Rahul wasn’t going out of my head during discussion with sir. I wanted to read the message.

“Hey Shalini… pehchana mujhe? I’m Rahul, we’ve studied together.”  Studied together!!!!! When , where and how I thought. I recalled my college and school days and all the coaching classes which I’ve attended till date. But Rahul… I wasn’t able to remember anyone with this name. Looked through his profile and tried to match his photograph to all the guys I remember just cuould not recall.. Although it’s not my habit to reply to any such unknown mails,but when god has some plan for us, unlike things are bound to happen.I messaged him back.

“Sorry, I don’t remember, may be you are mistaken by name”

“I’m not mistaken madam, you don’t remember me? We were together from std 2 to std 4. I’ve our class photo also if you want to see”.  I got his reply in a moment. He was online I suppose.

I was surprised. Std 2 to std 4???? That’s funny. I don’t remember anyone from that class except those whom I met later on.

“Wait,I’ll add you, but if I’m not convinced I’ll remove you from my friend’s list.” I was candid.

“Thanks for a chance, I’ll prove.” He said.

I had some work. We couldn’t continue chatting. At 2:00pm I was comparatively free and back again I was on Facebook. Rahul was online. This time I was the first who poked him. He replied a little later.

“Busy?” I asked.

“No no, tell me? So, u trust me?

“Who said? I’m waiting for you to convince me”.

“Ah!!! Photos to yahan hain nahi mere paas. Actually I work in Delhi with Reliance. Parents are in Jharkhand. I’ll tell mom to scan and send the photo to me. U’ll get it soon.” He wrote

“You are from Jharkhand? How come you have studied in Bihar then?”

“Dad has a transferrable job, he was working in Munger (Bihar) when I was in 2, I mean when we were together”. I knew he winked.

“Flirt” I thought, didn’t write.

We talked about 2 and half hours taking a break of 5 minutes for nature’s call or for some official work. At 4:30pm he said he needed to leave office. We had a long chat about our school (he remembered the name of all teachers, our old poems, old friends, I was convinced that we had studied together, but I didn’t tell him) about our city, our job and our education. I didn’t hear from him for the next two days. 3^rd day when I opened my Gmail account, there was a new email from Rahul Sinha. I opened it. , OMG! There was an attachment, our school photo. I was so small just unidentifiable, I recognized him, there was a similarity in his childhood photo and recent photo. He was cute.

“I am convinced” I replied him back.

He was online that night. We talked again, again for 2-3 hours. If I say that this was the third time we were talking but I was feeling something for him, people would think me mad but… yes, there was something which was attracting me towards him I didn’t know but there was something which I never knew, not till date. He was boasting about his victory and his convincing skill and I was showing that-doesn’t- matter-to-me attitude. We started talking almost daily, sometimes in office, sometimes at night.

Once I had nothing to say (we never talked personal and I hate discussing politics) just to start the conversation I said “Shahrukh Khan has been named Rahul in many movies.”

Ya… and Preity Zinta is Shalini in Dil chahta hai… he replied. He added “ you are preety”

“You are flirt…. Where have you seen me to decide that?”

“photos on fb”

“aah!! Photos can lie and fb photo.. dnt trust them. Best photos get the chance to be uploaded on fb”I said.

“u were cute when you were a child”

“I don’t remember how I looked, how can u remember how I looked?”

“I remember, I remember one incident when u and Kavita were discussing something and to prove that u were right in discussion u winked at me and asked ‘hai na Rahul’. U just wanted me to support you in that discussion”

“OMG u remember these things, I don’t remember a single thing. Although I trst u that we studied 2gether bt I dnt remember anything.. not even ur face”

“antim roti khayee thi kya ?“ (There is a general saying in our place that if you eat last made bread, u tend to forget things)

“antim roti!!!!” and I laughed like crazy that day. I’m not sure what made me laugh, the conversation or this guy.

Our first fight

It was just a general online talk that day. He said that he was browsing through  my photos on fb. Suddenly he asks “ who’s dat grl in pink salwar suit wid u, she is b’ful”

 I don’t know why but I got irritated. I was expecting some comments or I should say some good comments for me. But I didn’t say anything. I replied him back “my friend”

“wow… she is ****… btw where is  c from” he asked.

I lost my mind completely and  almost shouted“go to hell”

“hey why r u so serious, I ws jst jking and btw if u did nt like me to ask dese thngs, u cud hv simply said…”

“u go to hell I said… don’t want to talk to u”

“Look u go to hell, even I’m nt interested in talking to u” He replied. He was very angry, I could comprehend from his tone.

 I was not at all ready for this. Something was not okay. I was talking to a guy whom I didn’t remember whether we were class mates or not. I was fighting with him for some reason which should not be my concern. And the most awkward thing.. I had tears in my eyes after reading his last sentence. I was dumbfounded.

“r u serious” I wrote

For next five minutes, I didn’t get any reply. I was just to sign out when I got his reply.

“i’m sorry. I just got angry. Had no intention to hurt u, but was really surprised by ur response”.

Startled at my own behavior, I wanted to end the conversation. On the pretext of sleeping, I signed out from Facebook. That night I couldn’t sleep till 2am. The only question revolving round my brain was why I behaved in such a stupid manner. I knew that I was developing a liking for Rahul, but I was more hurt the way he had replied. It was the first time when I felt that Rahul doesn’t have the same feeling what I’ve for him. I laughed at my insane thought. How can anyone like someone within a fortnight? I made up my mind about not talking to him much for the next few days. Although I should admit that the resolution was made not only because of the insane thought I had but also because of the rage of his response which still persisted in my mind.

As decided I started talking very less to Rahul. I would go offline or invisible if he came online.4 days passed and we didn’t talk.

It was Friday and everyone in office was in a weekend mood. Workload was  less. And I was in a full time pass mood that day. Signed into my facebook. Rahul was online. Before I could go offline, Rahul started chatting. Anyways I was in full time pass mood that day, so I thought to talk.

“Hey long time no see.. where wr u?’

“Was little busy in office. “

“oh..o madam was busy…. Hope u r not angry for our last day conversation”

“No  not at all…” I was very precise.

“Good then… ok give me ur phone nmbr, want to talk 2 u”

“why?”

“Just like that”

“I don’t give my number to strangers”

“strngr!!!!! Who is the strangr??? We are childhood friends”

“crap, I don’t remember this.”

“ U r denying to give ur no.to smart guy BTW”

“smart guy, if u think u r so smart, find out my number”

“Smart to mai itna hun ki number kya tera pura biodata hi pata kar dun”

“Thik hai, then lets talk after u get to knw my phone number… bbye”

We didn’t talk for next 3 days. Those 3 days were introspection days for me. I used to see Rahul online but restrained myself from chatting. It was difficult. I wanted to talk to him. But neither he nor I talked. 1^st day was difficult for me to restrain, 2^nd was quite okay and on 3^rd day I was completely fine not talking to him. May be because I had convinced myself that he was just kidding (actually flirting) and he will never be able to get my number.

It was the 4^th day that we had not talked  The Day was going not very great. I was extremely busy in office and I was deprived of checking my Facebook. At 7 in the evening, I was still in office buried under loads of work. At About  8, I got 5 minutes to take a relaxed breath. What could be more relaxing than to open your fb and see some interesting updates? I logged in. I was too unfocussed to focus on online friends. As soon as I scrolled down my timeline, a message popped up

“at home??” It was Rahul

“No, still in office L” I said

“so late”

“Hmmmm… loads of work.”

“ L”

“BTW hw u r talking to me, we hd decided smthing if u remember”

“last five digit of your mobile number is 86330”

“OMG, hw did u knw”

“dat doesn’t matter, smthng else I wnt to tell-

Classic residential, 2 nd floor, 36 Pune.”

I was shocked, completely shocked. Not only phone number but he knew my address also  “hw did u knw” I didn’t write only but screamed also.

“so now u believe that I’m smart” he said.

I was in no mood to crack jokes. Actually speaking I was tensed. I was thinking of all possible ways he could get my address and phone number. I remembered once he had mentioned that he was in Pune for 2 years for his job. I checked all his friends and friend’s friends to find out if we have some mutual friends, but I couldn’t get any. I couldn’t talk to him later because of my work load. I reached home at 11 that night. Completely exhausted from work, I thought to take some rest but I had to find out how Rahul got my contact details. I came online, Rahul wasn’t there. That night I couldn’t sleep.

Next morning was relaxing in office as all the senior officers including my supervisor was out for a meeting. I logged into my Facebook. He was online. I was tensed and very very angry. Without letting him speak anything I bombarded him with questions

“look I don’t care where u got my contacts 4m (actually I cared) but don’t u dare to use that. And I still don’t trust u as a friend and I don’t think we sud talk to each other. BTW I really want to know hw did u manage to get the contacts? Do u know any of my friend?”  I asked

“see shalini, u don’t need to react so harshly and I’m not  kind of guy that I’ll misuse ur phone number or address, if u don’t trust me, don’t talk and I’ll also not talk to you. Since u r taking it so seriously let me tell u that one of my friend works as a recruiter in a big company. I got ur resume from an employment website through my friend. I knw this is wrong, but trust me I took it just as a challenge nothing else. Take care. Bye.” And he signed out. Next thing what I did was to take a sigh of relief after knowing the source he had got my contacts.

3 days passed and we didn’t talk. He used to be invisible. I could see his updates but not him.

It was a Saturday night and I was in no hurry to sleep. At 11pm I logged in to my fb account. Rahul was online, but in a second I was not able to see him online. I knew he had gone invisible. After thinking a lot I messaged him “ want to talk, can u be visible, I knw u r online”

He came but didn’t start anything. For five minutes I was also quiet.

“I’m sorry for last day but plz undrstnd my situation, I got scared. I thought u r sm gunda badmaash.. I was scared and tensed. I don’t have any grudges against u” I said

“I understand, even I’m nt angry, just didn’t want to impose my frndshp on u. actually we studied 2gether, u r from a place in which I’ve spent some precious moments of my life, I felt like talking to u for these reasons. If u dnt trust, dat is fine wid me. I’m not angry but it’s on u to decide about my friendship proposal now” he said

“I still don’t remember anything but I trust a guy whom I met on fb” I replied back. We talked till 4 am that day. As usual he was trying hard to help me to recall some school memories. . Apart from school memories we talked  personal things about life, about marriage, and about girlfriends and boyfriends.

Our friendship was not restricted to fb only now. We both had each other’s numbers. We were not only fb friends but had become very good friends.

  

Confession

Our friendship couldn’t last long, because in some days we had become more than good friends. It was just one normal day while  chatting he confessed that he has started liking me. Although I didn’t confess anything,  I knew I liked him too. I didn’t say anything that day. He made it very clear that he is not imposing anything but he didn’t want to conceal his feelings for me. Truly speaking I was happy to know his feelings. He was out of his place for next two days that’s why we could not talk but I imagined him in all Bollywood songs with heroine which was of course me. I loved that. I started fantasizing, him and me together. It was awesome. We were on swing, swinging together if there was a old song. We were in Swizerland if there was late 90’s song and we were on *** if there was a new song. Uff… my imagination I wasn’t able to stop it, actually I didn’t want. As everyone knows, life can never go straight and smooth. There are always some turns and twists. My family had started talking about my marriage. They had met some guys and their families. One fine morning when I got up very fresh (I had dreamt about him) Mummy called and informed that coming Sunday there is some guy who will be coming to meet me and I have to be ready. It was that day when I came out of my fantasy world.

Rahul had returned to his place and had informed me via SMS. I replied him back “wanna talk, lemme knw, wen u r free”. He called me at 10. I had reached office.

“hiii, wat hpnd. Everything ok?” he asked

“ya.. I’m fine. Hw was ur tour” I replied

“good.. lots of travelling. U r sounding low.. wat hpnd, tell me” he said

“I like u” I took a pause

“Oh… dats great and awesome… but I knew it. By the way is this the reason u r sounding low?” and he laughed

 “my family is looking for guys for my marriage, since we belong to different caste, I cant talk abt u to my family.. I just can’t hurt them” I was serious

“hmmmm… problem. Shalini even I can’t tell about u to my family and I knew this from starting but couldn’t control myself from liking u”

“ I’ve some work. Will call u later” I said

“ok.. but listen don’t take tension, we will make some way out”

Hmmm.. ok bye. U take care.”

“u too” he replied.

Love continues…

I am jumping from the discussion we had about my marriage to love continues because during this we decided seven times that we won’t talk to each other, but every time we decided we talked more. Every time we decided not to chat online, we ended up with video chatting. Now we discussed everything, about the guy my parents wanted me to meet, about the meeting if I had with guys, about dowry, about their families everything. He also used to update me about his marriage planning status (his family had also started looking for a girl for his wedding). We discussed everything, our problems, family, family problems, office, health, and …. Love.

One night while video chatting

“you have a b’ful neck” he said

“kuch bhi… kisi ne nahi kaha aaj tak aisa” I replied him

“I want to hug u” he was serious.. very serious

“hey..wat hpnd, why so serious”

“nothing.. just had a feeling that in some months u’ll get married, even I’ll get married. I wan 2 feel u once, wan 2 cherish the feeling, the memory all my life time” he said.

That day, first time on his request I wore a deep neck dress so that he could see my neck. He touched the screen and I felt his touch and the tickle. That day I loved him more and he loved me more than me, he didn’t tell but I knew.

“I want to meet u, hw and when we’ll meet” he would ask every time we chatted and my answer would always be same. “We’ll Rahul. If it is destined we’ll; if it’s not destined thenL” he hated that.

Our 2^nd and 3^rd fight

One thing which I have not yet mentioned about Rahul is that he has a gang of friends and they are always a priority for him (I always hated it).As the days were passing by, I developed the habit of calling him daily. He would pick the phone and would tell “bolo”, I would say “nothing, just called like that ”, then we would keep quiet for 2 minutes, again he would say “bolo bolo” and I would say “nothing, bye take care”. And that’s it. Every call like this would leave me with the feeling if Rahul really loves me or it is just an infatuation. I shouldn’t complain so much about Rahul, he used to talk nicely also (sometimes) when he was in good (actually romantic) mood. But I never forgot to call him and he never disconnected the phone.

2^nd fight:

One of Rahul’s friends was getting married and he was busy purchasing some special gift for his friend. I called him as my daily habit to listen his “bolo” and “bolo bolo”. He picked the phone and said “I’m busy shopping. Will call u later” and disconnected. He didn’t call me back that day. Next day when I called him I was little upset for his last day behavior. He picked and said “sorry I didn’t call yesterday, was little busy”.

“Must be, it’s your friend’s wedding, and no problem u didn’t call, I’m used to it, u never call me”. I taunted

“I’m in no mood to listen to complaints”.  He disconnected

It was extremely insulting and I didn’t talk to him for next 3 days. “I don’t think he loves me and now after so many days he has realized all this” I was thinking. I used to see him online but never started chatting. I stopped calling him. After 3 days when we both were online he started chatting.

“Kuch bolegi nahi”  he asked

“mujhe laga busy hoge isliye nahi bol rahi thi” I said hiding my rage.

“I’m sorry for that but I was really busy and tired that day”

“That’s ok, but from today onwards I’ll not call u daily, I’ll not chat every time I see u online, if u r free, tell me, then we’ll talk and if I’m busy I’ll tell. I won’t shout” I didn’t leave a chance to taunt.

“hmmm.. I need to go, have some work. Sorry again and yes.. I’ll wait for your call” He was offline and I had  melted by those words he said. I called him again and I called him daily to hear his “bolo” and “bolo bolo”.

3^rd fight:

11pm during online chat:

“want to see u, cn we strt video chatting” I was desperate to see him that day.

“No dear my room mates are near by, cnt connect camera”

“want 2 c, do smthing”

“2dy nt possible”

‘plz”

“sorry dear”

“wat sorry yaar, cnt u understand I wnt 2 c u desperately” I was irritated.

“I cn dear, but u also undrstnd na”  and he was offline and I felt “I don’t think he loves me and now after so many days he has realized all this”

I was damn angry. How he dared to go offline while I was talking to him. These boys…. All same.. should never be trusted (I’m expert in generalizing the things)

Later process continued as earlier. After 3 days we both said sorry to each other, both said that they understand each other’s problem and will try not to repeat it again.

But after this we rarely did video chatting.

No more fights

First of all let me clarify that this is not what happened (no more fights) but this was what we decided. After our 3^rd fight we suddenly got enlightened that we may get separated anytime, I may get married, he may get married so we should enjoy each and every day to the fullest. And whenever we fight, we don’t talk at least for 2 days. Thus, we decided not to fight, not at all. We promised with each other that if one of us is angry other has to stay calm and will wait to take out his/her frustration till first one gets calm. And I swear… we followed it religiously. Most of the time, I was the speaker first and he would listen to me. Oh… how cute he looked while listening. I wont describe the 2^nd part when he spoke and I had to listen. This idea really worked out. We had no fights for almost more than half a month which was really a miracle for us.

Our last fight

No more fights didn’t work for long. Although I’m discussing a lot about our fights it doesn’t mean that we started caring less about each other or our love had decreased. Actually it increased every single day and I really believe that these small tiffs help in increasing faith, trust and love in your partner. Anyways, I was telling about our last fight. This fight was worth mentioning as this was the most serious one and really took time to sort out. As daily routine which I had again resumed, I called him at 8 pm on some July. I was little upset that day. I had read a novel in which the heroine dies and it had made me very upset. I wanted to talk to Rahul desperately. I called him, but he didn’t pick the phone. He never used to do that. So, again after half an hour, I called him. He didn’t pick up. I was tensed. When I called him back he disconnected the phone which made me more anxious. Truly speaking.. I had started getting all the bad thoughts. I couldn’t control and I called him again. He picked the phone and said “If I’m not receiving or if I ‘m disconnecting, that means I’m busy” He disconnected. I was wonderstruck. He gave me no chance to tell that I was worried for him. I had forgotten that I had to discuss about the book I read, and was really tensed. He never behaved so rudely. I was extremely upset. “I don’t think he loves me”… this was what came in my mind instantaneously and it didn’t vanish. I was never so upset because of him. I had a1000 thoughts that day about why he might not love me or why he might have stopped loving me “may be he got a new girlfriend or may be I irritate him very much or ……” Countless may bes. At 11, I received his call. As per my habit, I don’t just talk when I’m angry, I taunt. I started with “mil gaya time”. (I was expecting I’m sorry but….)

“I don’t want to argue, just called to let u know that I am little busy in some projects” He said

“How can u be like this, hw cn u behave like this” I said

“Stop it.. I said I’m no mood to argue. Can’t u ever understand me? I can’t talk now” He disconnected

I was speechless. Some moments in life make u speechless and u hate that. This was one such moment in my life. But I had no clue why he was so upset. He didn’t give a solid reason to be so upset. Although I was angry but was little worried about him. So controlling my anger I texted him  “I m sory. Ek bar hans ke baat kar lo,wnt be able to sleep otherwise”. He called after 5 minutes and said “so jao, I’m ok”. He disconnected the phone. I didn’t call him back.

Next morning when I woke up, I had a hangover of the night, I wasn’t fresh. But I wanted to end the fight. I messaged him “Gooooooood mrng. OK 2dy?”

“Ya fine.. I need my time Shalini, I need my space. U never understand me. Plz give me my space”. He replied back. I was surprised. I don’t give him space!!!! What was space supposed to mean here. If I’m taking 15 minutes from his day (24 hours) am I taking his space and time. And this was not the first time when he had complained that I don’t understand him. I didn’t know what he meant by that. What I’ve to understand… ? Do I need to understand that he is busy without him saying this or do I need to understand that he has got a project without him informing me.. this was ridiculous. Neither I was laughing nor crying.. I was broken. I replied him back “I’m sorry, it ws never intentional. Anyways, I promise you will have all ur space now.Bye”. These days were real challenge for me. Every moment I wanted to talk to him, but I didn’t. 1 day passed, 2 days passed, 3 days passed. We had no communication. 4^th day I came to know that my marriage was fixed and the guy’s family was in much hurry for the marriage. There was no engagement. Wedding day was fixed and it was just 20 days later. I wanted to tell him (Rahul) this but then second thought occurred that if he reacts normally or doesn’t seem to care, it would be more hurting for me. I was firm on my thought that he has got a new girlfriend which was more likely actually. I and Rahul had never met, it was long distance relationship which hardly works. Next moment I also thought that whatever happens, it happens for good. Now when he has got a girlfriend he’ll not feel lonely after my wedding and I tried to smile.

Same night, at 11:45 pm, he messaged “missing u desperately”. I looked at the message and ignored. He again messaged “slept kya”, looked at message but couldn’t ignore him this time “No” I wrote. “Take all my space shalini, but talk to me” He again messaged. I didn’t reply.

Next afternoon, I received his call.

“tum to bilkul hi chup ho gayi ho, kuch nahi bologi” he asked

“I’m giving u what u had asked for, space and time. Enjoy it” It was not a taunt. I was sad.

“missing u yaar.i’m sorry” If it was any other day, I would have had melted as usual but I was tensed, how should I have had to  tell  him that I’m getting married. Actually all the anger, rage against him had evaporated when I had heard of my marriage.

“that’s ok,” I said

“is smthing wrong, why u r sounding so upset? I promise will never say u anything like that.i  cant c u upset… “ He was anxious now. I wasn’t able to gather words

“I’m getting married, 19^th day from today” I had said that, I don’t know how, but I did that. I don’t know why it was difficult so much for me, I always thought that we’re mentally prepared and that is why we always discussed about our marriage (not with  each other obviously), we used to crack joke about each other’s partner.

For two minutes I didn’t hear a single word from him.

“I want to meet you, before you get married, anyhow, do anything but I want to meet you. Consider it as my first and last request but give me some time, I’ll come wherever u want, but let’s meet. And……..i’m really sorry for the last 4 days”. He disconnected.

Our first and last meeting

Everyone at my home was very happy for my marriage but I had just one thing to worry that how and when I may manage to meet Rahul. Calling him Munger didn’t make sense to me. Nobody would have allowed us to meet alone or give us at least 5 quiet minutes to talk. Finally I got an idea. I had to go to Munger from Pune. I told my parents that I wanted a  dupatta (a cover for bride) to be taken from a particular shop in Delhi from where my friend had got and it was very beautiful. There was no question of denying my request as it was my wedding so I was given freedom to take the things of my choice. I planned everything. According to the plan, I’ll take a train from Pune at night; will reach Delhi by 10 in the morning. Directly from station, I’ll go to Dupatta shop, will take a dupatta and will book a room in hotel for freshening up. Rahul can come either in hotel or we can meet outside somewhere and spend some hours together. Train to Patna from Delhi was at 6 pm. So, at least for 4-5 hours we can be together.

I shared the plan with Rahul and he agreed to meet in hotel room itself where we could spend some time alone without anyone disturbing us. As planned I reached Delhi on time, went directly to some Dupatta shop, picked a beautiful dupatta and went to the hotel which Rahul had already booked for me. I called him and told him to come to hotel in half an hour which I’ll take in freshening up. I was extremely excited to see him for the first time (other than video chatting and his photos on fb).I took bath and wore a Punjabi suit with big pink flower prints on it. I wanted to look best. Put a pink lipstick and a small bindi. I could hear my loud heart beat and my breath. After arranging all the things I sat on the bed and switched on the television, suddenly my intercom rang.

“Ms. Shalini, someone has come to meet u” It was a call 4m reception.

“Send him in my room” I replied.

I switched off the television. My heart was in my mouth.  Extremely nervous, I opened the door of my room. He was standing in front me. I was stunned. He was standing there, whom I loved so much… whom I wanted to meet so much….. and…….whom I’ll never meet again.

I let him in. We both were quite, just smiling. Looked at him, he had the same honest eyes as in his photos. He was cute and handsome. He was in a blue shirt which was suiting him a lot. I don’t know what he felt about me, but he stared at me for 2 minutes(If this story was written by a male author, he must have elaborated his girl friend’s beauty in one whole page,but I’m little poor in it). For next 5 minutes we were just looking at each other. Our heart beat was playing drums inside. Just to start the conversation, I told “I bought dupatta for me, dekhoge?”

“ya, show”

I took out the dupatta from the bag and wore it, and unconsciously started humming “dulha tu dulhan main ban jaungi, dekh na sajna pyar mein tere mar jaungi” (song from movie called Dil hai ki manta nahi). Suddenly when I lifted my head, he was looking at me, with love,with emotion, with sadness… I couldn’t control, moved ahead and hugged him tightly, very tightly.

I was not able to stop my tears, I don’t know about him, but he was sad, I could understand it from the way he was  holding me, in such a way that I can’t break the trap of his arms. After 10 minutes when we left  each other, he kissed on my forehead and said “u r looking sweet”. I didn’t reply anything. He took out the dupatta and said “keep this back, it’s not for me, I want to see you in suit, you’ve wore for me “. Very true, that day I wore the best only for him. We had only 2 more hours of our life we could spend with each other.

“r u comfortable here or u want to go outside” He asked

“this is fine” I said

He held my hand and brought me closer. I was nervous.

“don’t worry, wnt do anything…. Thnx for spending these precious moments wid me, I’ll have smthing to recollect for my lifetime.” He gripped my hand tight.

This time he didn’t pull but I went little closer to him. Putting my head on his shoulder I said “I’ll miss u”

“I’ll not; you will be there with me always with these moments”. He said

I kissed him on his cheeks. He looked at me and kissed on my lips. We were there for more two hours talking about our life with each other, one whole life which we spent together but met only once. We laughed for our fights especially the last one. We said sorry to each other to waste 5 days not talking to each other. He told me why he stopped video chatting because once while chatting with me his roommate had seen me and was talking dirty. Rahul wanted to save me from every dirty eye and I was ashamed of thinking wrong about Rahul. We shared the best time of our life that day when we talked and there was no one to stop us; we were looking at each other, no one to think bad about us.

I still feel what if I had not come to Delhi… I would had never understood the meaning of love.. selfless and pure.I never felt that I didn’t  experience complete love in such a short span of time, because each and every moment with Rahul was more than a life. I understood what love is..

Love is calling ur luvd one by mistake and talking  to her for an hour.

Love is getting very happy to see his number on ur cell.

Love is feeling his touch when wind touches u, feeling his breath when wind blows and feeling him when there is only wind.

Love is…. What I experienced, what I felt, what I understood.

I always loved colors….Rahul filled my life with rainbow.

                                                                  Dedicated to my imagination and my imaginary boyfriend.                                                                      

                                                       love u Rahul……..